Friday, May 6, 2011

Ah, Springtime! A sexual frenzy, that makes me sick!!

Once again springtime is upon us!  Everything is coming back to life, and turning green, and oh so colorful!

Gods beauty has touched Maryland once again!!

Along with all these beautiful signs of healthy life though, comes my complete misery...

It is springtime, and every creature has an urge to mate.

All those beautiful colored plants are no exception. They may look pretty, but they are sexual freaks, looking to get it on with any other plant they can!

They are natures nymphomaniacs!

There is a sexual frenzy of an orgy going on right out side of your house at this very moment, and you may not know it!

However, I certainly do.  I can't forget it.  The symptoms are there when I go to bed at night, and they are there when I wake up.

Even my wife is starting to become "in tune" with all of that sexual energy.

All though you can't hear any strange noises, it is there.

Natures spooge is in places for you plain to see, like for example, the windshield of your car.

We call it pollen, but it is really plant spooge!

Frankly, I don't appreciate those damn plants putting their spooge all over my car.  How rude!

It gets up my nose, in my lungs, in my ears. Everywhere!!


A huge sexual frenzy going on behind my house

You can see how virile this tree is.  Every time I pass by, it rudely puts it's spooge on me!

Just look at this beautiful, wholesome female.  You would never think that she is actually a sexual freak!

Another blatant orgy going on right there for everyone to see!  We try not to look, but we can't help but notice the result!

I try to get away from all of that rampant sexual activity, but it is happening right in my own yard!!

Again, this little beauty looks so innocent, but looks can be deceiving.  The girl next door looks wholesome, but she has a ravenous appetite for sex!

Here are two more cuties innocently laying around, putting out the call for some hard core pornographic mating!

This Lilac bush, wears a very pretty smelling perfume to lure unsuspecting suitors to it.

Although these plants are far more subtle about it, it still goes on, righ under this tree, and I still feel the results all spring.

The result of all this in your face sexual activity makes me feel sick, tired, a little nauseous, a little dizzy, and makes my face hurt!

It disgusts me, so I go inside, and close the house up tight, in an effort to get away from the allergens.......

Only to be assaulted this time not by sex, but just plain old dog dander and stink! 

After trying to get away from all of that pollen, my beloved, reeking doberman, I lovingly call "Mork" from Mork and Mindy, meets me at the door.  "Hey buddy, where you been? Come on over here and give me some attention, I haven't been petted in like 5 minutes, and I am feeling needy!"

Ahhhh, I can't get away from it!

I'll be back in the fall to post, when the Ragweed starts getting it on!

Ragweed is just a freak.  A deviant that isn't even pretty!  Its blatant sexuality, with no regard for modesty is just too much to bare in the fall! 


  1. I never thought of it like that, now my hayfever feels ten times worse because it's caused by plant spongle.

  2. Oh Tony, don't be a prude!!!
    ...and, you're welcome!