The cabin fever of a new father

A project of a new father on paternity leave from Robs perspective as written by Mark Fellows,

 Read by Rob for accuracy.

The time of the up coming birth of your first child can be a time of celebration in the creation of a new life.  A time of love. A time of wonder.  A time of joy.

For me it was a time of uncertainty, and a little fear.

I joked with my wife and friends that while my wife would be giving birth to our first child, I would like to be at the mall. 

Stop what you are thinking.  I was only kidding!  Sort of.....

I have to say for my wife and I as a young athletic couple, the birth went rather smoothly.

It was the time after the excitement, when the baby was already here and Jenny was busy with all the mundane activities and hard work that comes with a newborn, and I was busy thinking about all the time I had to stay at home, and not go to Wal-Mart, or Tractor Supply Company or Bass Pro shops, or go out to lunch with the guys at work that became daunting to me. 

Hey don't judge me!  Have you had a newborn?  This is my first. 

We humans have a hard time adjusting sometimes to a radical change in our lives.  To maintain our sanity, we tend to concentrate on the mundane things in life that anchor us to the reality we know.

Now as I said, my wife gave birth to a healthy baby, and we were home.  Most of the excitement, and anxiety was over.

Now it was time to think about how to allot our time.  For Jenny her time would be locked into constant feedings, fussing, and diaper changing.

For me, my time was tied up in an occasional holding of the baby while my wife ate, or maybe when she took a much needed 30 minute nap, and of course an occasional diaper change.

Most of MY time however ended up being about me thinking about my need for activities to stimulate me mentally at home and  wondering if I should slip into work for just a bit...... 

My friend Mark for those who don't know him, can be a bit of a smart ass.  I try to involve myself in as many things I can, and when I come across a project that Mark finds odd, he is quick to poke a verbal jab at me.

He has been quick to make fun of me about my experiment on composting that I did on my apartment kitchen floor to see if I could get the ingredients just right, in order let the pile digest the scraps, and keep it from smelling. 

I view this as a complete success!  It didn't smell the apartment up at all, and the pile continued to shrink over the weeks!

we had no problem with bugs, smells, or anything!

The next project Mark found amusing was my experiment to make a Cob(think adobe, but better) brick.  Again, a complete success, but then I had a 30 pound block that basically looked like a 30 pound block of turd sitting on my apartment balcony that I had no idea how to get rid of, or had any use for.

On on the following project, I texted Mark with an occasional picture of the progress along with information about how things were going. 

He told me he found the texts were some of the funniest he has ever read, and seemed to have lots of interests, and an occasional quick,jab about my predicament.

The project I chose to fill my time is below with pictures during the critical steps.

Perhaps you have heard of the trend of concrete kitchen countertops? 

As a person that chose engineering as a career, I seem to have a need to find things to keep my mind occupied with technical puzzles. 

The above picture is the polished countertop I designed and poured in my basement after carefully making a mold, and planning out the position of those white decorations you see in spots in the picture. 

If you look closely, you may notice that they are positioned as star constellations. 

I used 6 bags of concrete, and bought a special cement mixer from Harbor Freight to make the job easier.  The lattice of rebar frame sitting in the unfilled mold took me about a night to complete.

I would say this countertop weighed about 350 pounds. 

Now the installment of a huge slab of concrete into your kitchen is not something most people would take lightly.  Most of us would want plenty of people around to handle such a large, heavy and difficult item to install...

However, you may be underestimating the stir craziness of a new father at home on paternity leave.....

Finally, I couldn't stand it and decided that I am an engineer and a smart guy, and I can probably just handle this install myself....


The picture below, is the next chronologically...

The picture above was one I sent to mark at about 10pm, after it had been stuck for quite a few hours that said "Now what?"

Like a good, concerned friend Mark sent a reply back not saying, "Don't worry buddy, I'll be right over to help!", but instead his text said "got yourself in a real pickle didn't you?" , and nothing more.

Now I don't know if you can imagine, but if you get a 350 pound slab of concrete stuck on your front steps to the entry of your house, propped there precariously with step ladders, and with your sensible wife and newborn inside, it can be a time of anxiety....

A time of self doubt.  A time of questioning your decision making skills.  A time to wonder if you made a huge mistake?

This was a time of emergency! I knew I had better take some medication to help keep me calm in this crises. 

The Camel snus packets(think of Skoal Bandits chewing tobacco) helped get me through this stressful evening and gave me some re-newed self confidence....

Maybe things aren't that bad after all I thought... 

Everything seems better with a little nicotine!

The following picture, was the next day when it decided to rain. 

When I woke up in my bed I thought "Ah, a new day with a renewed sense of confidence and possibilites."

Then I thought "oh yeah", and went out the basement door, and looked at my job for the day.

All this still looks a little daunting but remember, I had had a few hours sleep, some daylight and the nicotine of the snus packets to keep me calm! 

For some reason, when you are in the middle of a difficult project when you get stuck, things look much much more dire at 10pm at night when most people are relaxing to go to bed, and you know you may have made a mistake, and less daunting during the day when most people are doing most of their daily activities.












The next picture in the series is after I figured out how to move the concrete slab from its home on my front porch steps. Utilizing the tried and true technology of the good ole hand truck.

When I sent this text message, it read.  "this is how religions start..."  

You just know I was thanking god, and any Deity I could think of for this the above picture....

Yeah!  I'm not as stupid and rash as I have constantly been telling myself since getting this stuck on the front porch!

Instead of being stuck precariously on my fronts steps using step ladders, it was actually inside, partially mobile, and even on the right floor of the house to install it!

The next picture in the series is just 7 hours after the picture with it stuck on my front steps, blocking the entrance to our house.

Maybe now, after the crisis is over I should make a fake concrete countertop out of foam and balance it on step ladders in order to scare away any unwelcome visitors to my house?

My new countertop!!! 

 

Now the countertop is installed, and the ends justify the means!

Even my wife Jenny couldn't argue that.... 

We now have a new concrete countertop in our kitchen only 23 snus packets, 6-10 Red Bulls, and a few hour chewing my fingernails later!

This is one project I did that Mark didn't have his usual stinging comments about...

In fact, he was really impressed, and since Mark wrote this, I will tell you, I was REALLY impressed with this all!!!

Marks Perspective :

Rob said he has some stretch marks on his pecks and deltoids from frantically heaving this around by himself, and is surprised he made it through this endeavour without any injuries...

I told him he could put this on his resume as his latest engineering project!

Getting that text late at night that said "now what?" was hilarious!  I have never done something like this, but as a guy prone doing things half cocked, I can relate...

P.S.

The first time I saw actual fly paper in about 20 years, it was hanging in the kitchen of Robs brand new house...

Seriously, I don't know where all the flies came from.  There was no indoor compost pile, but it was a little unappetizing looking at them while my wife and I consumed one of his delicious dishes he made us for dinner... 

Seriously, he is a very good cook!

Rob's idea of "helping" with the new baby, as written my Mark :)

Update as of 2/17/2013: Below is Robs diagram on our dry erase calander on how he performed this feat....

To the left, of the diagram is Rob's tractor.

The stick figure is obviously him on a step ladder

The thicker rectangle is the concrete slab

This should all make it clear to you...

www.markdfellows.com

A couple of comments to a few of my reviews on Amazon. Priceless...

May 14, 2012 8:19:27 AM PDT

Below is a comment and a response back and forth on my review on Amazon of the Vitamix Blender. 

 


MacGuffin says:

Processing difficult things on a low variable speed for any length of time is precisely what causes the overload protector to trip. You can run the machine on a low speed for a long time if you're dealing, e.g., with a thin liquid.

The "ramming rod" (I can see you really familiarized yourself with the instructional media) is called a "tamper," BTW and you can make really excellent nut butter--including almond--by following the instructions in that pesky manual. And incidentally, the fan only kicks in on HIGH (as described in, you guessed it, the manual).

Mark Says:

"..is called a tamper" Who cares? Yes, I know that processing things on low is precisely what causes an overload... Do you know why that is? Do you know what takes place? I do.
Do you know why I say it needs thicker windings to process things on low? It is because at lower speeds, and higher torque, the motor would have to carry more current. More current requires thicker wire. Hence my suggestion of a setting for lower speeds with thicker wires.. Heavier gauge wires are for higher torque applications. Try to understand the concepts in my review, before you trash me. I did read the manual. However, I do also understand how electric motors work. When you use the tamper, you are actually compressing the blend material and forcing down into the motor. A risky proposition for such a high speed, low torque, high armature winding motor. If you stall it, you stand a good chance of fusing some of the windings, and or having a melt down. 


MacGuffin Says:


I care...and you don't like being challenged, do you? And yeah, believe it or not, there are others who know what you do ("know," that is). And I've been using these blenders AND--believe it or not--"compressing the blend material and forcing down into the motor" (in actuality, TOWARDS the bottom of the CONTAINER given that the motor is sealed in the base of the unit and never touches the container or its contents--SUCH a burden possessing that punctilious understanding of language required of a technical editor) since 1988 and quite a bit of that "blend material" has been frozen solid. Only once, in all that time, has the overload protector tripped due to my really having tried to process 'way too much frozen "blend material" with too little liquid and given that the aforementioned protector tripped, no damage was done to the motor. I really, REALLY doubt that Vitamix gets many returns (and I'm not saying that they don't ship a defective unit now and then) due to "fusing some of the windings, and or having a melt down."






 MacGuffin Takes Mark to Amazon Review Court and pleads a case against him for a faulty review:

Cue the Peoples Court Music..... 

Vitamix is here...





Below is another set of comments for my review on an Eton Wind up emergency radio...

M. Mason says:

I'm a bit surprised that you call yourself the "gadget guy" and are a "top reviewer" and you didn't even bother to pay attention to exactly how long you cranked the radio, how long the charge lasted ("hours" is a pretty vague term), how long you left it on, how long you left it in the sun, and then...you just didn't feel like completing the experiment. You should buy a watch...and use it.

I only bothered to comment because contrary to 291 other people (I have no idea what they were seeing here), I did not find your review very helpful at all. Just some vague estimates without much detail.

Mark Fellows says:

Okay then, feel free to disregard my review..... You can buy it, and slip on your lab coat and glasses, and do a consumer reports style review, and really show me... You are right, I guess I am being a little arrogant when I call myself the "Gadget Guy". I guess that is just my conceit coming out. I need to really spend some time evaluating myself, so see where my flaws are. Thank you for giving me a reality check....


Marks Comments about what M. Mason said.....

Psst, if 291 people like the review, and find it helpful and you don't, it MIGHT be you...

Just saying.............

Radio is below...

The Little Eton 160 emergency radio








Right after posting this, I realized that just yesterday, I left this radio out to let it charge in the sun, and forgot it, and it rained today.  Hard.... It may be ruined!



UPDATE ONE HOUR LATER.... 



The Eton hardly got any water in it after a day of sitting out in the hard rain.  

M. Mason would want to know exactly how hard the rain was.  Justin Berk says up to 1"/Hour.

M. Mason  would want to know exactly how long it sat in the rain?  Approximately 8 hours...

M. Mason would want to know how much is "Hardly any" Approximately three, 1 mm droplets..

I let it dry out and it worked fine!
 

 

Hello My Dearest....

I get junk mail solicitations all the time.  You can always tell when it is this type of email.  It usually starts out, "Hello my dearest.  I saw your profile on Pbase, and would like the chances to get to know you better..."

They usually say that "love is all that matters, and looks mean nothing"

I have to say, that would turn most single guys off.

When they say that, guys are thinking, that is because the sender is ugly.

Now I usually just delete these, as they are always the same, but I told my wife, that these young "women", if they are in fact women, would get more emails back, if they just sent an initial picture in the first email.

I have to say, that I am liking the new style I got just this morning.  If women want to start sending me pics of themselves, I would be happy to receive pics of women in form fitting dresses and such.

Now this particular "woman", if it is not in fact a guy sending pics pretending to be a woman, said that I should send a reply back, so she could "send me pics of her"

I can only imagine what kind of pics, she would send me, and as a guy, I am tempted to send a reply, so see the pics.

Of course I won't, but something primal wants me to see the pics.

However, this one says she "loves me"

I am going to post this pic to show you guys, but I have hidden her face(which is also pretty, in case you are wondering), and email, just in case it REALLY is JUST for me.  I think I should respect her privacy.....

I have to say, whether I intend to follow up on this, WHICH I DON"T.  I do like the current format, and am hoping for a new trend in junk mail..

I can always use more pics of women I don't know to look at....

Keep it coming ladies....

Mark :)

Fat Between the Ears: A Major Cause of Childhood Obesity!

I was sent the following email from my website email address.

 "I came by your site today and wanted to make sure I had a working email for you. I also work for a blog, FrugalDad.com, and based on some of your posts, I thought you might like to stop by! Today, we’ve just released an infographic on the impact McDonald’s is having on children’s nutrition, and what’s being done to make the Happy Meal a healthy meal."

"Since childhood obesity has more than tripled since 1979, it’s clear why Happy Meals are coming under fire.  Do you think the move to offer fruit instead of fries is going far enough? I’d love it if you’d come by our site to weigh in, and feel free to share the graphic with your readers if they would find it interesting as well."

Is it clear?  Is it really???? 


 What the lawyers would have you believe..

Kid + McDonald's= Obese kid 


 The real formulas that where lost from ages ago...


Kid + McDonald's + Bicycle riding = Skinny kid


Kid+ Constant Video Games= Obese Kid


Kid + McDonald's + Involved Parents + Playing Outdoors= Skinny kid


Kid + McDonald's + NON Active Parents + Activity Outdoors= Skinny kid


Kid + Eating Cooked Dinner at Home+ School Sports Program= Skinny kid 


Kid + Mom or Dad slices up Fruit= Skinny Kid


Kid+ Less Soda+ Active= Skinny kid 


There are really lots of complex formulas. Above are but a few....

Sometimes genetics does play a heavy factor with some people, however I do not believe that is what we are talking about here, so I have kept my comments in line with the original blog. 
 

 My Comment Response....

This blog actually says the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I believe. 

Which is, perhaps parents should take some responsibility for what their kids eat and do..... 

McDonald's wasn't much better for you in my day.  They still had hamburgers, french fries,  and fountain soda, but they just didn't call it a "happy meal"

In fact, on the rare occasion we went there, that is what I ate.

It isn't that I didn't want to go there more often, it is just that my mom wouldn't let me....

Often times a Big Mac, and large fry.  Maybe in my early teens, I would order a 20 piece Chicken Nuggets, with a hot fudge Sunday for desert, washed down with a large Root Beer. 

Yum!

Of course after, I did go outside and ride my bike.

Even though we had McDonald's I didn't get to go there that often.

 My mom cooked me lunch.  I ate most of my meals at home.  Either my mom would make me something, or I ate whatever was in the fridge.

 I lot of the time, lunch was either a Grilled Cheese Sandwich, or a nice Steak Um, yet some how, miraculously, I wasn't obese, and most of the kids I knew weren't.

I also didn't sit around playing video games.  I went outside and rode my bicycle, climbed trees, and all sorts of other activities.

Every once in a while, my friends mom would tell him he was "watching too much TV, and needed to go outside".....

Try this with your kids. I bet it is just as effective of weight control as in my day!

Of course, not just kids are obese.

So are their adult parents....

How about trying to go outside with your kids?

Go  for a walk with them....  Ride bikes as a family....

Stop blaming someone else for all of yours, and your children's problems, and take responsibility.

Leave McDonald's alone!

On the rare occasion I go there, I don't want to have to order some "McFruity nuggets"....
 

Here is another idea and I must warn you, it is RADICAL, and  REVOLUTIONARY!!!

1. Buy some fruit at the store

2. Slice it up

3. Give it to your kids...

4. After doing so, don't take your kids to McDonald's....

Or do you think this is some complex procedure that only a business like McDonald's can manage?

Here is proof that the "active kid diet and exercise routine" works....

Try typing "obese kid riding a bike" into Google images.

Are you finding anything? 

I didn't either..... 

No pictures of obese kids riding bicycles? 

I find that strange, don't you?

Now, let's switch it up and try a different phrasing...

After all, search engines can be wacky things!

Just to switch it up, try "fat kid riding bicycle"

Still nothing eh? 

I don't see a single one of those portly kids riding a bike. Do you?

 

Now type in "kid riding a bike" into Google images..

You find Tons of pictures of skinny kids riding bicycles.  Kid after kid, after kid, after kid.....

Damn!  Lots of skinny kids riding bicycles here....

Why do you think that is????

Which do you think came first?

A. The skinny kid

B. The bicycle riding....

Or were they simultaneous??? 

I haven't done any scientific studies, but I bet these two activities are some how intrinsically linked...

Is this the opinion you wanted? Or did you just want people to comment who agree with your side of things?

Below is the original blog to which I was asked to respond.

The New Age Hype About McDonald's

Mark

Stop whining, and get riding...

www.markdfellows.com

www.pbase.com/markcas

Hillbilly Journeyman in training

Like many people my age, I did in fact watch the old 80s show, The Dukes of Hazard growing up.

With a Facebook friend recently telling me of a sink hole that developed in the road near my home town, and me cracking a joke, that as Get-us-burg-yians, it probably called for a Dukes Of Hazard moment, I had to break down, and tell the fact that I have in fact, actually jumped a car.

True, it wasn't a cool ass Dodge Charger with a 01 painted on the side, but a 1972 for Pinto in primer(so it would be ready to paint.)

This was not my Pinto, this is shown just for illustration purposes.

 Mine was actually much cooler, with grey primer, and gold painted mag wheels, and a killer radio, with an equalizer, that jammed ZZ Top...

OK it wasn't 15 feet in the air, but maybe 2 feet.

Still, it was pretty cool,  after the fact.

I guess you had to be there....

See, I like to make fun of myself, and other folk of the red neck persuasion, but you know what?  I trained as a journeyman hillbilly for most of my life, so I have earned the right to poke fun.

I say, "I jumped a Ford pinto" and I should need say no more...

That should be credentials enough, for even the most discriminating hill folk.

The world was  a much larger place in those days.

I had a love of fun in those days, just like in today's age.

Except now a days, fun is reading a good book, whereas in those times, driving a car in the field, and doing burnouts, and doughnuts was were the fun was at...

In the country, we start our training early. My first motorcycle

This is my brother on my 50cc motorcycle with my pet Pheasant Fred.

Yes, I did in fact have a pet Pheasant named Fred.  He started following me one day on my 50cc Hog, and later would walk me up to the school bus in the morning, and met me up there at the right time in the evening when I came home, and walk me down the driveway.

After my brother badgered me one day, I finally let him kill it, so he could stuff, and mount it.

I feel bad to this day about it.

It feels like a betrayal.

Especially because he stuck it in the freezer, forgot about it, and my mom eventually threw out the carcass.

All for nothing.

I betrayed him.

I am sorry Fred, I really am.  I caved.  I should have had more character.

Even in the 6th grade, I knew what was important, BAD ASS cars..

Me around 16.  I liked to see if I could fit into the high chair, and my peps thought it was funny. Note the mullet...

Me at graduation(17).. Hill folk don't need no stinking pants when it's hot out!

So, much ado about me jumping the car.

See we were on one of our many trips through my mom's fields while she was out of town.

We did the standard allotment of doughnuts in the field.

We did the requirement of getting the car to go as fast as we could and then pulled the emergency brake around a turn...

We did all of the required car in the field procedures a good hill person is required to, before moving on to other activities..

we got bored at around 2am....

My friend decided he wanted to drive on the road.  It was a nice little trip, until coming back down my mom's 150 yard driveway, the horn got stuck on.

Imagine you are a high school kid, and you are doing something you shouldn't be while your mom is out of town, and just to let everyone know you are both a bad kid, and an idiot, the car horn blows the entire length down the driveway so ALL of your neighbors can know what you are up to....

Me: "quick get down to the house, NO, go back up the driveway, NO get down to the garage..."

My friend had an idea....

He wisely reasoned that if he jumped the car on this dirt mound my mom had half way down the driveway, that it might jar loose the contacts that were making the horn stick on.

He did, and we where air born, but instead of yelling "yehaw!" like on the Dukes of Hazard, I was yelling.... "what the fxxx do you think you are doing!?"

"NO!"

"DON'T DO IT"

"NO!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

...and we did it.  We were airborne for a good 10 feet, about 2 feet off the ground....

After our short flight, the transmission was leaking anti freeze, but the horn was still on.

My friend went back to plan B, driving down into our garage.


BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!

Fuck!!!

....my neighbors are going to know it's me!

"I'm pretty strong, I will just reach down, and rip the battery cable off the battery"



WRONG!

What I ripped loose was the radiator hose, and somehow I pointed the hose, with hot anti freeze right at my face.(I am guessing the coolant was at about 175 F, as I didn't have the thermostat in the engine block, however, IT WAS HOT..)

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I go screaming running toward the house, but half way there, my face cools, and I have time to reason the situation out...

I reason, that that was quite a racket, and my neighbors probably might call the cops, so I better call them and let them know 'what is going on', and that everything is okay.

I will put their minds at ease.... 

They need not bother the good police officers.

I imagine since I have just woken up my neighbors,  they are probably frantically sitting on the edge of their bed anxiously awaiting the return call from the state police telling them everything is okay, once they have checked out the situation...

So I call my neighbor... 

The phone rings about 7 times and at that point I realize I actually woke him up, but I am committed, so I have to complete the call.

A groggy voice finally answers weakly 12, or maybe 13 rings in...

"emmm(clears crap out of throat) hellooo.... "

I say: "did you hear that?"

He says: "um, hear what, I was sleeping?"

So instead of being smart, and hanging up(see we had no caller ID in those days), I stupidly recount EVERYTHING that happened, or a slight embellishment of the facts.

I leave out the part about us joy riding my pinto through the field, and invent a story about me working on a desperate friends car that is broke down...

I am up late prepping for bible school, and a friend calls in need..

Being the responsible guy I am, I decide to fix his car.  

While I am carefully diagnosing the problem, the car horn gets stuck on, and my scatter brained friend decides to throw me aside, get in the car, start it, drive it up the driveway, turn around, race down the driveway at 50, jumping a dirt mound in an effort to try to get the car horn unstuck.....

I apologize to by neighbor, and assure him I gave my friend a good talking to for his idiocy.

The next day, after the hangover wore off, we fixed the car, and the next night, HOT DAMN, we were back at the field races.....

Laproscopic inguinal hernia repair(if that title doesn's say fun read, I don't know what does)

Daily log of activities at the bottom of this post...


After about 15 years of having a hernia, it became unmanageable so I decided I had to get something done about it.

I chose the very best hospital I could, and the best surgeon I could find to do it.  University of Maryland Medical Center, and Doctor Lo Menzo.

Everything leading up to the surgery was perfectly orchestrated, and confidence building.  Dr Lo Menzo is a very careful, and seemingly compassionate, and considerate surgeon.

He gives the impression of being a skilled surgeon who is not a cowboy.

I had told my friends I expected a 3 day recovery, with being able to lift weights 2 weeks after that.

I expected I could go back to work in 3 days, but that I would take a week just to make sure...

The day of my laproscopic inguinal hernia surgery, my room mate, who is a seemingly calm man, and is also in the hospital for a hernia, is heard telling his doctor that he ran a marathon a week previous to the surgery

Before he left for surgery, he said "Good luck Mark, your going to do fine!"

After he came back, he yelled through the curtain "How you doin over there Mark?"


I guess I talk more than I think, because he seemed to know all about me, and my little anxieties.

Maybe he could tell by the way I peed every 5 minutes before surgery, "just to get every last drop out before surgery", that I was a nervous person...


So everything looked good, and I blindly went into the surgery having no clue what so ever, what I was in for....

I have the surgery, and everything seems to go off with out a single hitch...

I have pain for sure, but it is not that bad.

I am told that as soon as I urinate, I am free to leave, and the race is on.

The nurses seem to say "No pressure or anything, but seriously pee and get the hell out..."

They don't really say that, but that is what I hear when I read their minds, through their facial expressions.

My roommate, the "Herniated, Marathon Runner" pees after falling asleep after surgery, and taking a short little refreshing nap.


As I hear him pee behind the curtain in our room, I am so blinded by jealousy that I just can't describe it.  I yell at him "congratulations, I am so jealous of you..", and purposely leave out the words that are in my head  SMUG BASTARD...


He good-naturedly says, "Don't worry, your next Mark!"


Somehow, we are on a first name basis.  Despite never talking to him, he seems to know me like an old friend...

5 hours later, I still haven't urinated, and if you read the above words, you know I pee, well,, Sort of often.

Finally, after about 5.5 hours, with the help of my patient wife, and some procedure the nurse cooked up, of pouring alternating warm/cold water on my genitalia, I squeeze out just enough urine for their satisfaction..

I became some sort of pee surgeon with demands for the proper instruments, and my wife became the surgical assistant.

"Warm water."

"Cold Water"

"Urinal"

"Warm Water"

"Cold Water"

"Urinal"

I am on my way home, but the problem is, it is an hour drive, and once I started to go, I couldn't stop for more than 10 minutes.  It is like my body was making up for lost time...

        The nurse had wisely given me a plastic bedside urinal to take in the car so we wouldn't have to pull into a  gas station every 5 minutes, but it is harder to use one of those in the car than you might think...

Especially, with your wife speeding the car up and slowing down, every 20 seconds because of the bumper to bumper traffic.

You have to lift your behind out of the bucket seat, with compromised groin muscles, so you basically won't pee yourself, and balance yourself from left to right,  and keep yourself from hitting the dash, and smashing back into the seat every time your wife hits the breaks, and then simultaneously floors it all while trying to relax, and let out a urine stream.



I seriously think to do that, you would have to have the patience, and control of a Buddhist monk.

Either that, or be like my former roommate in the hospital. I bet he could do that! 

Since that technique didn't work,  I took to giving my wife orders as to which lane to get the car in to give me a smoother ride.

I became the bridge captain of our little grey car, navigating in a sea of hostile traffic.

Only, I was shouting orders with my pants down around my knees sitting in the car seat next to her, with a urinal held to my junk.

Somehow, I don't think this scenario would work any better in the Navy on the bridge of a fighting vessel, any more than it worked for my first bridge command in the little Acura...

When that didn't work, I took to shouting at random times in the trip at my wife to pull over the car NOW!  Then limping to the side of the road, not caring who saw me, awkwardly climbing over the guard rail to pee, and thinking that I would tell the cop that pulled over to arrest me for indecent exposure that I just had hernia surgery, and couldn't help it...

After getting home, all was good.

Until 2 days later, when I chose not to follow the learned advice of my doctor... 

He said not to lift heavy objects, or move large articles, as I could strain my muscles and undo the surgery...

I just couldn't help it...

I decided to move some very large articles from inside my body to a different location..

Although I felt it was necessary, I couldn't help but use my imagination, and think of all that hard work by that surgeon being undone, in 10 minutes on the toilet.

I could visualize the seams of my muscle moving apart, and all of those carefully placed fasteners giving way, like I am sure the rivets and seams on the Titanic did, shortly before it went down.

Later, after spending hours typing into Google "bowel movement after hernia surgery" and "constipation after hernia surgery" and "wrecking hernia surgery, after bearing down to poop",  I have found that I am not alone in the world, and I should be okay..

It is now four days out, and I really am not sure I am going to work this week, but we'll see...

3 days of discomfort my ass!

Daily log day 6 after surgery day.

I feel wonderful!

Just kidding, it still burns quite a bit in the area where I had my surgery, but of course "the burn means it's working.."

On the second day out, 3rd day after surgery I was taking some single doses of percocets, and tylenol.

I took a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood, and while I was limping a little bit, I was fine other wise.

On day 4, our friends came over, and we played Monopoly for about 4 hours.

I won, so it was good times....

On days 4 and 5, I was sore from my activities, but on day 4, I tried to see how long I could go without taking pain meds, and by the time I woke up REALLY sore, I had gone 16 hours with no pain meds at all, so I took a percocet....


The Percocet really took the edge off, if you know what I mean?

Later that night we went over friends to play cards, and I spent most of the night laughing, and holding my groin at the same time.

Today, day 6, I have taken Tylenol every 4 hours, and we went for another 20 minute walk.

Lifting anything at all as heavy as, or heavier than 5 lbs causes pain.

I can go up and down stairs fine, and motivate around the house no problems.  I do have a constant burning pain, but it is manageable. 

This isn't as advertised, and not what I was expecting, but It is maneagable.

I had the laproscopic procedure, and I thought I would be back to normal by now, as it is supposed to be a super short return to normal activity.

I am just wondering why I still feel pain?  I am wondering if I did something wrong, or just am being unreasonable in my expectations, because of what I was told.

Perhaps a more reasonable explanation of what to expect would be helpful...

Perhaps I am just wimp?

Day 7: I take a couple of Tylenol in the morning and go for a walk.  Later, I decide to make my maiden voyage in the car, and drive to Wendy's for a bite to eat.  Later that day, I go to the hardware store.  Later that day, I go down into the basement, and catch myself running up the stairs, and stop myself after a few steps.

Day 8: I take 2 Tylenol and go for a walk.  Later, I drive to the mall to look for a book to the sequel I am reading,  and then to Chic-Fil-A for a lunch.  I feel fine. Later that night I run the full flight of basements steps, and then later realize I shouldn't have done that.

Day 9:  I get up, and am fine, but a little sore.  I contemplate whether or not I need to take my morning Tylenol. In the end, I give in as I am pretty sore while I am cooking breakfast.

Today, I took the longest walk I have since going in for surgery.  It was 30 to 45 minutes of walking through the woods.  Not a big deal unless you have just had surgery on your groin and then walking in the woods, versus on pavement is quite an improvement.  It takes a lot more to walk on a trail in the woods, stepping over rocks, fallen tree branches, and through the mud.  I feel fine.

Based on my experience of today in the woods, I feel confident that within a few weeks, I will be able to don my 40 pound back pack and go for a hike within a few weeks.  Yay, that is exactly why I had the surgery in the first place!

Let's hope things keep progressing!  Since day 6, things have been getting better at an increasingly fast pace.

Today, I also went to Barnes and Noble's and did some very light grocery shopping.

Day 10:  Today I took a little shorter walk than yesterday.

Last night, for the first time post surgery, I didn't need to take Tylenol before going to bed.

This morning, I was sore but I have a pain in a different area of my stomach.  It is higher and to the left.  If I had to describe the area, it might be my left Oblique area.  I took Advil this morning instead of Tylenol, and the Oblique are pain went away, but the groin soreness was still there.  I think Tylenol works better.

The thing with the side pain is, I don't know if it is in fact Oblique muscle pain or something else.  It isn't bad, it is just that any time after surgery, you always wonder if something else internally is going haywire, from having your insides diddled with...

People can get intestinal adhesion and all sorts of things.  I don't have an adhesion, but the pain makes me wonder. 

It is probably just muscle pain, I will keep a hot pad on it, and if that helps,  that will let me know it is likely a muscle pain.

In general, since about day 6, I have seemed to have been healing rather quickly.  I think the walking definitely helps with that!

Day 11:  No pain pill of any kind taken today.   Went for a moderate walk. The worst pain was actually in my oblique muscle.  I did in fact find out it was just muscle pain, as I could reproduce it by bending over and lifting my left foot.  This also told me how I managed to strain this muscle.  I have been lifting up my left foot every time I sneezed to keep from putting strain on my abdomen.  

Day 12:  Went for a short walk. No pain meds today, but I over did it with some exercising I did with my wife , and was pretty sore all day over my hernia site.

Day 13: No pain meds, and back to work.  I walk, stand, and use my hands a lot at work, and this was the most activity I did for 2 weeks.  I was quite sore. 

For all of you fellow hernia surgery patrons out there whether it be future or current, here's a tip.  Keep your body working like an assembly line, not a storage tank.  For me, it was 1.5 cups of pistachios, and 1 cup of pumpkin seeds a day.  I love pistachios, and pumpkin seeds.  For you, you may want to try prune juice... 

Day 14:  I am pretty sore today.  I had some groin pain nagging at me today, so I broke down, and took 2 Tylenol at lunch today, and left after about 5.5 hours.  Yesterday, I did 4.5 hours. 

Day 15:  I felt much better on day 15, and stayed later at work.  I took no pain meds this day. 

Day 16:  No pain meds, and only mild pain. 

Day 17:  Felt great!  Took a walk, ran up stairs,  and took no pain meds.

Day 18:  Exercised with the wife,  took a walk, and lifted some 10-12 pound items with no issues.

Day 19: Exercised with the wife, have a little slight pinching. 

Day 20:  Went for an actual hike today, without a back pack.  Over rocky terrain, and over logs and such.  I do have a little pain.  Well see how I things go tomorrow at my follow up appointment.

Day 21:  Went to see the doctor for my 3 week follow-up.  He said what I am going through is not uncommon, and said I should wait one more week, before I start lifting more than 20 lbs. Going to the doctors office, I ran up 4 flights of stairs, and down 8 when I left.  I feel okay.

Unless I have any major problems, this ends this log.  Thank you for staying tuned, good luck!!! 

Update 3/25/2012

It is now about 3 months since I had this done, and I can tell you, I am not only much better than before surgery, but feel better than years before my Hernia became acute.  So it was all well worth it. 



Mark :)

Goodbye to one of the sweetest, most gentle animals I have ever known

I had my boy Jacques for 1 months shy of 13 years.

He just died this morning at 6:51am, and I wanted to tell you a little about him, because he died in a way that was consistent with how he lived his life.  In the most gentle way imaginable, kindly sparring me the extreme anguish of having to put him to sleep.

I write this not for sympathy, but just to share how gentle my dog was, and how he gently spared me the suffering of having to put him to sleep. To share how kind, sensitive, and caring he was, and what an extraordinary soul he truly was.

I have had many dogs, and each and every one, we had to put to sleep, and I would have to be with them to help them to go.

Watching my beloved animals slowly take its last breath is one of the most painful experiences of my life.

I have never been more attached to a dog, than I was my big Doberman, which was the most gentle, sensitive, and affectionate animal I bet you would have ever met.

He was a leaner.  He would lean his head against you appreciatively, when getting him ready to go for a walk, or after giving him his food, when you came home.  Or just to say hi.

He would also tap you with his nose to say hi, just like someone tapping you on the shoulder to say "hey"

He was bonded to me and a way that I have never before seen, and I was bonded to him just as strongly.

After living almost 13 years in the most well mannered, gentle, yet dignified way, he died within 2 minutes on his 4" thick mat, in a very quiet gentle way, that spared me the extreme pain of having to make the decision to put him to sleep, and watch him take his last breaths.

He inspired fear, as he was a large, lean and muscular doberman, and probably a superior genetic specimen as Doberman's go because of his larger than normal size, and that he lived to 13.

No offense intended, and not to say a superior pet than yours(although certainly for me),  Just genetically superior for the breed. All Dobermans are awesome. Whether they live to be 5 or 16, or whatever.

In fact, all pets are unique, and incredible. Whether they be mutts, cats, whatever.

When we went for one of his two long walks a day, he would trot, most of the time with his head held high, even though for the last year or two, he had spinal issues, and nerve issues in his hind legs.

Everyone would ask me how old he was, and then say "wow! 13, really?"

He was a gentle being of nobility and dignity right up to the end when he died on his bed in a quiet, gentle, manor.

I will really miss him, but I am SO glad that that is the way he died, and I will mourn the loss of such a great, and unique friend.

I really could have never asked for a better friend.

Thank you, Jacques, and thank you for being so kind to me!

Jaques and Jill

Jacques and his old nemesis.. He also had a fondness for watching the squirrels

Jill hiding Jacques inseparable stuffed "porcupine" toy playing with him

He looks fierce, but he is just playing tough...

Him being his noble, old self...

Me and my boy spending some quality time together.

Me and my boy doing a photo shoot.  He hated getting his picture taken!  He was most un-photogenic..

The beginnings of a long,  rewarding and very deep friendship. Even as he got big he wouldn't be above trying to sit on my lap..

Goodbye my dear old friend.  You were truly one of a kind..

In memory of Jacques November 30th, 1998 to October 24th 2011

Mark :)

P.S I own the copyright of these pictures, and they are mine.  Please don't cheapen my dogs life by taking them and using them for your own purposes.